Archive for 2012

Hujan dan suara-suara yang indah,
melamun, sendirian.
Damai, membahagiakan.

Oh ya, lupa ngasih kabar teman2. Right now I'm living a pretty secluded life, phoneless :> (ada sih pinjem hp flexinya ibu hehe) jadi buat yang ada keperluan, kebetulan saya unreachable via ponsel nih, mungkin bisa lewat twitter aja ya walaupun twitter juga bukanya jarang hehe...


First thing first, Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin.

You may or may not miss me, but hey, been so long after the academic hiatus.
Today it's another huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I think I will look back to what I have done and see couple of things I could've done better here and there, but we're human, we learn as we move forward, right?
I need to stop being so harsh to myself and excuse me this one time. On one condition; I learn.

This semester is perhaps the academically most challenging semester during my college time. Yet.

Really looking forward to writing couple things here again, just coming back to live, I've been like a dead man working days and nights home, no twitter, messages, internet, blog, anything. Crazy stuff. So from now on I'm going to redeem those crazy days, woohoooow :>

Biar dimarahin tiap nyalain laptop sih ini.

Ultimately, those who are able to speak out their mind always get what they want.
Those who sought for their wants, those who do not for a bit hesitate.
They're always ahead, always.

I'm just rolling the red carpet, standing at the sidelines, clapping my hands,
smiling, silently.

n. food that makes one idle and stupid, food of no nutritive value, junk food

By the way guys, still related to my previous post... my deadline is coming in roughly two weeks, and judging the amount of progress I have made (or rather, have not made) I think I need not only hard work but also miracle to get everything done in time. So, wish me luck, it's time for kerja keras bagai kuda :B

Kelakuan modelling yang bikin progres porto super lambat ya gini nih. Malah sibuk dan stuck bikin gimmick2 semacam benang2 lucu ini, instead of bikin hal yang lebih penting kayak lemari2 lainnya yang masih kosong... pintar sekali Fathina Diyanissa ckck.

"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience"

Noted Mr. Mark Twain, thanks for your brilliance.

At best, this is something that is understandable, thus can be given an excuse.
At worst, this is.... plain freak?

You can take it to both extreme ends, but one thing to be certain of, this is definitely not normal.

I'm flustered just thinking about it.

Some people take importance of good manners and behaviors because they respect others and understand well to treat others the way they want to be treated.

Some people take importance of good manners and behaviors because they're too selfish to do anything that might do harm on their reputation; thus do everything that will paint a great light on themselves. They do it because they seek judgments and compliments, they do it for their own sake instead of others'.

When they sense a place where their ego is comfortably protected, one of which through animosity provided by the internet, they're showing what they're made of. What behaviors? What manners? What civilized discussion? What respect?
Internet does a very good job in showing true colors of some people - giving the luxury of hiding in animosity, in random usernames and untracked identity, so you won't hold responsibility to any useless spouts you're throwing around. So when you feel like being an asshole, you'll just go to some sites and be one; when you feel angry you log onto something and wholeheartedly share your anger in the least civilized manner possible.... and you still can walk around on the streets, mingle with (real) friends, just usual day in the office. No harm done.
When those social-obligations no longer serves their ego right, they soon abandon them and just go follow their own wants and needs - couldn't care less about the receiving end of their own behaviors.

It's very hard to appreciate and respect those kind of people.

"Lamb says somewhere that if, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but 'A's part in C,' while C loses not only A but 'A's part in B.' In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out." -- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, 1960

Call me lame, I only found out this website recently. Heaven for fellow books aficionado, they've got plenty in store here and that with free shipping worldwide. And I've already been at cloud nine with Times' Wordsworth Classics, to think about it!

Sometimes, life chooses to present itself in the most bizarre way, that everytime another chapter unfolds, it never ceases to surprise us - in both good and bad way.

Maybe it's karma; good luck turns out to be a payback for our good doings, and hardships were mere result of our own wrongs in the past.

Maybe it just works like a Russian roulette. You pull the trigger; sometimes you're saved from all trouble, sometimes the bullet just decides to fire on your turn. No calculations, just pure coincidence.

We don't have the script. We don't know. We could look back and see what we did yesterday that makes what happens today; but it'd all be guesses, and just mere guesses it would be. We'd never know the truth, and for the time being, we should settle with not being able to know the truth, and live with it. It'd be more helping in believing, leaving the answer to the omnipotent being. The questions are His to answer.

It'd be nice to drop the whys, bury the vexation, and just live for the sake of living.

James Hunt just your classic guy, this picture says it all.


Nocturne sends you back and forth, to the conscious and then under it.
Skipping the split-seconds, missing a blink of an eye. Laughing with oneself at entertaining thought that doesn't even work a muscle when it's day.
It's easier to please, and so to tease. Laugh until you cry, (genuinely) cry.
Ante meridien. Sitting still befriending self and the conscience and the subconscience.
A fine line between two polarized end, of both the difference is just, well, give and take.

Doaku tak pernah putus, cepat sembuh.

Sisu (pronounced - see’-soo) is a unique Finnish concept. It is a Finnish term that can be roughly translated into English as strength of will, determination, perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity.

Best ever photo-booth effect. Lovely faces aren't they? :p

Kemana aja? Oh, gak kemana-mana kok. Cuma nekat berenang lalu tenggelam dalam kenyataan. Sedikit lagi mati mencoba menelan air satu lautan, sedikit lagi mati karena rakus menenggak air, katanya air sumber kehidupan.

What I learned is how to take a deep, deep breath, exhale slowly, and smile.

Only a fine line separating love and hatred.
You'd laugh to that sentence when you already had your feet on both sides of the line.

Kenapa manusia egois sekali? Lebih memilih orang yang mengangguk-angguk menyetujui semua kesalahan, daripada yang berani membenarkan.
We expect people to agree with us, even when we're wrong. When someone actually loves us enough to say the ugly truth in risk of being hated, they're quickly shoved away. Truth is, we only hear what we want to hear, right? So we'll pretend all words that go against us is never, ever true. So we'll hate, we'll hate them for showing us. Then we turn to people who just nod in agreement, when in fact they never really care enough to tell us the truth for our own good. They only care about themselves, about making them look good to us, about serving our ego along with their own.
Then when the truth shoots us on the foot, they'll run away. And there, the people whom we spent our lives hating, they're the only ones we got left.

What's right? What's wrong?
That we can never reach an agreement, that's my only woe of life.
Love this soooo much! Nice color palettes ♡

to pieces.

sinking deep.

inside, slowly dying.


My heart sank.
I was (and still am) truly, really disappointed.
I have all the love in the world, and my door wide open. You won't even have to knock, while most say you'd ought to after all the scenes you caused. It has happened for times, that you drag me when you're down and shattered and torn apart, only to ditch me completely when you have managed to find your feet to stand on. I've been tired, so tired, helping you stand just to watch you leave yet again. All over. Again.
Yet another scene, another desperate call for help. Another helping hand. Another, again.
I'm waiting, secretly hoping that you will be enlightened not to see me just for my hands helping you through hard times. Just to see if you still have common sense left in you, to show gratitude for someone who has repeatedly been there, always been there for you, though never been seen at all.

If it happens again, really, I'm done.
Have fun with all your life, just don't ask for my hands when you fall yet another time.
I'm tired, up to the point that I could only bring myself not to care otherwise I'll despise you, despise you so much.

Been digging on my stumble likes, found this:
very helpful.

Most of the times it's so easy to not notice how at ease our life has been, and how this great life God has generously destined us with, it's so worth the phases of pains and hardships.

In rare times when I do notice, it overwhelms me.

Sometimes it takes big thing to happen to realize how a gratitude is long overdue.
Sometimes it's as simple as opening an odd page on the internet,
reading some words and numbers,
and immediately flooded with happiness and thankfulness.

Thank you.

I still remember clearly the small, subtle sighing you thought would pass unnoticed, but turned out apparent to my over-eager senses.
And how the air all of the sudden became too thin, the scenes too strange.
Normality seemed so forced and hard-earned - yes, I knew you tried hard. Forgive me for noticing too much; your looks, your awkward movement, those excessive nose-rubbings and nail-staring. Or perhaps, those were just my anxiety, my curiosity trying too read much into nothing, if nothing it was possibly.
But then what I was to do; be my senses wrong or right, what difference would it make?
We'd still be struggling to fake it all the way, through and through, things left unsaid.

in a manner of speaking i just want to say / that i could never forget the way / you told me everything by saying nothing
in a manner of speaking i don't understand / how love in silence becomes reprimand / but the way that i feel about you is beyond words

oh give me the words, give me the words / but tell me nothing
oh give me the words, give me the words / that tell me everything

in a manner of speaking semantics won't do / in this life that we live we will only make do / and the way that we feel / may have to be sacrificed
so in a manner of speaking i just want to say / that just like you, i should find a way / to tell you everything by saying nothing

oh give me the words, give me the words / but tell me nothing
oh give me the words, give me the words / that tell me everything

It's a very nice feeling being alone in places where people are to each their own and present themselves as individuals instead of identifying themselves in group where they belong. People don't ridicule your being alone, there are less noises and attention-seeking attitude, and people are generally nicer to strangers when being alone.

It's nice being in a group of people and being the stand-out in the crowd, but when the stand-outs are busy making noises and thinking how cool they are, it actually appears plain tacky and annoying for the surroundings.
Been there, done that. Been in the group, been annoyed by those groups.
Nothing is more comforting than just a day clear of those noises and just being in group of individuals. To each our own.

The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and everyday confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense.

Just another quote from Pride and Prejudice.

it's not old but gold. it's old and gold.

i was fifteen, a second grader, and probably one of the most sanguine person you've ever met when i first created a post in this blog.
it was some odd days shy to four years ago.

four years can take you pretty much to the other end of the spectrum.

i always like one quote about the approach you have to take when facing a problem. it says, when you face a problem, simply picture yourself in five years. in which way will the way you deal with the problem affect you in five years?

one year can take you to places you've never thought would be, and perspectives you'd never thought you'd take. that's one year. let alone five.

blessed are people who wrote journals.
your telling the present will entertain you in years to come.

Going three years back, who would've thought you'd be the last person I'd put the kettle on for?

Dari kawan lama bertemu kawan baru. Selasa malam kelompok belajar kami berkumpul di teras, adu suara dengan mesjid sebelah, dengan motor di gang bawah.
Suara kami sih sederhana saja.

Expectation is massively related to circumstances.
When you have a continuous and seemingly normal situation, it becomes the level at which you define 'ordinary'. Raise the bar few more levels and you have expectation. We are always expecting high, higher than what we commonly have.

Hence why expectation isn't comparable among people whose circumstances differ from each other. Why stretching our own condition and easily assuming people will submit to it? Our conditions differ, our ideals differ, why going by the same values? Sometimes we are getting waaay overboard which such self-centered way of thinking.

Why not up your chin, stand and be your own company just like some primes who never need dividing. Nothing he shall need but one and his own. That said, doesn't he fit in still when you count, for it's as natural as one who comes after the other.

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence by Ryuichi Sakamoto.
How much I love this song is beyond words.

Ever wonder why people celebrate 16/17 hard?
Perhaps because they think they are well into the age of maturity, but in reality they're not mature enough to understand that maturity does not need extravagant celebration.

Good evening/morning,

I was trying to get myself to sleep but I couldn't. Gave up and ended up here again.
Habis randomly baca archive superrr lama di blog ini. Lama, as in 2009, 2008, ya tahun2 segitu deh.
Setiap kali habis baca2 random gini, rasanya kayak tersentak sendiri gitu. The difference of my posts are really striking. Kontras, rasanya bener2 jauh bgt deh pokoknya. Like reading posts from two polarized characters gitu.
Rasanya kayak habis lihat hitam (hahahaha agak aneh juga pake warna hitam jd analogi, asosiasinya jd negatif gitu), dan langsung skip ke... gak putih sih. Abu-abu terang mungkin. Beda banget kalo langsung diliat kayak gitu, padahal sebenernya diantara dua warna itu ada berpuluh-puluh shades warna yang gradasinya lebih halus. Yang kalo diliat berurutan, bikin gak sadar betapa kontrasnya si hitam yang tadi dengan si abu-abu muda itu.
It doesn't mean the difference is an outright black and white. Gak segamblang itu kok. Dari dulu, every once in a while I made post which has the same tone as my present posts. Cuma sekarang, rasanya hasrat untuk jadi naratif dan deskriptif (kayak post kayak gini, if someone makes a bet for my blog content then he can bet for posts like this at 1/100 odds :p) sangat sangat jauh berkurang. Yah, people change. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, bertambah temen, banyak kejadian-kejadian penting dalam hidup, semua pengalaman itu terakumulasi dan membentuk perubahan sama karakter seseorang. If you start from white, every events occurred in your life adds a drip of color to your white. Pelan tapi pasti, we change and change and change.
Whether it's better or not prior to the previous, you're the judge.

"I am so sad right now."
"Aw, why? Cheer up..." said nobody.

I think the main flaw of micro/macro blogging in form of social networking site is, sometimes you write something wanting to inspire people, but in the process you end up trying to impress people instead.

It's not wrong, but sometimes you can tell when someone has a genuine intention but just overdo it. All of us would surely fancy some likes (and retweets, in case of microblogging), but by no means we should scream for it. Be yourself, don't run around looking for the spotlight, the cream always rises to the top anyway.

This year's race weekend is underway at Singapore!
Still saving money.... Wait for me 2014!! \:D/ \:D/ Bang Kimi jgn pensiun dulu pelissss :3

the hardest part of initiating a "serious talk", is to quit the pretense.
because when we talk about something, we admit something exists.

and somehow it's easier to look elsewhere, anywhere but not the big one there.

Dulu, udah agak lama, pas lagi stumbling2 website, sempet ketemu suatu artikel. Lupa asalnya dari website apa, kalo gak salah sih thoughtcatalog. Open article gt soalnya, bebas submit kalo ga salah.
Artikel itu tuh bahas tentang fungsi bahasa. A thought about language and what it means, which is triggered by the writer's disagreement to people's overreaction to language misuse.
Jadi ceritanya si writer dari artikel ini tuh kerja di toko roti. And he was deeply gutted by the way their friends always roll their eyes to people who order 'croissant' and pronounce it 'kroysen' instead of 'kroazong' which is roughly the way it should be pronounced in French.
The point of his argument is, kenapa sih orang menjadikan bahasa sebagai some sort of prestige? He thought, the meaning of language has deviated from its very basic function, which is to convey meaning. So why should we roll eyes to people who mispronounce 'croissant' which is a native language to his tongue, while the idea is actually conveyed? Kedua pihak sama-sama mengerti maksudnya croissant even though he didn't pronounce it correctly. It's not his native language, just let that one pass.
I am practically someone who *always* *unconsciously!* rolls eyes at people who either mispronounce words, or misspell it, or write something with a disturbingly messy grammar. So... pas baca artikel itu lumayan tersindir juga sih. I can't say I agree with it, because I still stand on my opinion that language is indeed important and it's a reflection of yourself. It is meant to convey meaning, but at the same time also become the way to present yourself to people. Like it or not, people will judge you based on your language. Has the language's function deviated? I don't think so, from the very first time language is a part of our mannerism. The way we deliver ourself in speech is as prone to judging as our behavior and manners. So... well we should live with that!
But at the same time.. aku baru ngerasain lagi sih rasanya jadi orang yang belajar bahasa dari nol lagi. Pas coba-coba bikin kalimat, ngerjain soal, ngerasain susahnya... susah bangetttt. Rasa-rasanya udah bener-bener berusaha semaksimal mungkin but then my grammar and vocab are still wrong on soooo many levels. And I definitely don't want people to roll eyes on me for that... I beg understandings, I'm still learning. Which makes me rethink.......... I think I am being too intolerant. People are all learning and each one is on different levels. And if we take aside all those prestiges of languages, and go back to the very basic meaning... if the meaning is conveyed then the language has done its job; it's good enough.

Harper Seven Beckham. Kid's so cute!
p.s. I hope Victoria Beckham won't pull a Suri Cruise on her. Just please let her be cute until she's old enough to be all posh and beautiful. Please.

Sounds were mere voices,
to which the ears would hear but not listen,
thine voice arrived, thine words passed.
for thou hast let out thine sounds but not thee.

/via skype
f: ce gw lg ngerjain tugas ilus buku anak
f: cari-cari foto anak 4 taun gt
f: jadi ngepoin anak2 artis
a: gw ajah :3
f: lucu bets
f: anak2nya beckham lucu2
a: ah iyahhh
a: anaknya lucu
f: yg cewe lucu si harper seven
f: yg cowo2 juga
f: ky al el dul nya inggris gitu

...dan chat skype gw yg terakhir pun sukses bikin acek kesel. haha dipikir2 jd kesel sendiri jg sih.

lagi bosen ngerjain tugas terus main akinator, tebak2 karakter gitu hahahaha dia hebat loh bisa tau aku pikirin siapa...

terus jadinya tebak2an terus haha (kapan nerusin tugasnya)

Admit it, the greatest part of taking any "know-yourself-better" quizzes, self-analysis through pictures and graphology, or reading astrology is not really in finding answers to our curiosity and need of explanation of self, but actually in nodding in agreement to whatever seems fitting to our own view of ourselves.

Because merely speaking about oneself is not too convincing; its relieving to hear something that can make it justifiable. Hence the need of the quizzes, the analysis, and all of those sorts. Perhaps to make it look as if we are agreeing to someone talking about us rather than making the thought up alone. The idea of the very judgement we agree upon has actually existed in our minds even before we heard about it, right?

It's not wrong, I too am very excited in such things. But the way how we supposedly ignore the result that is not to our liking but then take the ones that we see fit very seriously, it's very amusing. Bunch of hypocrites we are in doing so, aren't we?

His loves were already long falling, but sadness still streamed through his long, slender fingers,

reaching, seeking,

But for the arrogance of the bones lining up his vertebras, he would've for a thousand times kisses his drying, dying loves.

      He could only go as far as his vanity allowed him. Granted, pity had the look at him but he was wise enough not to lose to it,

he knew full well, albeit loads of longing he felt he could just break his bones and go greet the love of his life, he could die whilst so,

and so his loves would crunch apart at the first tip of his greedy kisses.

      Perhaps, vanity for this once was keeping him safe.

It could not have helped him from the sullen, bitter frown, but come another dawn he survived,
each surviving day adding his many wishes, may the first of year's rain soon come.

Today's race was pretty crazy after 5-weeks summer break.
First Maldonado jump started big time, then Grosjean decided to play F1 car bowling, crashed into Hamilton, took 4 people out of the race (including Hamilton and Alonso) then retired himself. Button drove off into the sunset, Kimi was dead slow in the beginning but then pulled out one of the most beautiful overtake I've ever seen on the entry of Eau Rouge. Vettel pulled out series of ballsy non-DRS overtakes and stormed from 12th to 2nd, that boy has great racecraft doesn't he?
A Kimi win would have been an icing on the cake, but third is still well done for him.
Spa-Francorchamps is definitely the best circuit on the calendar. Definitely.

When in early summer lonely narcissi
bloom hidden in the meadow and the
rock-rose gleams under the maple . . . .

              The splendor of the simple.

              Only image formed keeps the vision.
              Yet image formed rests in the poem.

              How could cheerfulness stream
                    through us if we wanted to shun

              Pain gives of its healing power
                     where we least expect it.

quoted from "Poetry, Language, Thought"
by Martin Heidegger.

adj. situasi yang terjadi akibat kesesuaian antara perasaan batiniah dan rangsangan-rangsangan dari luar yang diterima indera (pengecapan, penglihatan, perabaan, penciuman, pendengaran).

source: kuliah DI nya Pak Pri

tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

             Hujan Bulan Juni, Sapardi Djoko Damono

Tomorrow marks the date of this year's Paralympic's Opening Ceremony.
For me, Paralympic is the celebration of the wonderfulness of us people.
It never ceases to amaze me, what we people are capable of. Disability does not translate into boundary. These people may be physically disabled, but they are mentally prodigies.
For those kind of people you don't have to be sorry for their disability. Trust me, strong guys like them don't weep on their obstacles. They bounce back and come stronger.
Total admiration for Paralympic's athletes. I'll be watching every now and then, I hope your great spirits are contagious to me, the healthy un-handicapped girl sitting on the couch watching you all on telly.

I do think that one of the finest form of relationship between two people is that they can enjoy silence between them. So fine it is, yet extremely hard to achieve.
Silence is very common; less so for the un-awkward one. Hard as it may be, it is still easier for you to find someone with whom you can talk non-stop about anything and never run out of any topic than to find someone with whom you can spend hours together and be silent, and still having a good time. It's hard to not question the absence of words. Because silence carries thousand meanings, and is prone to misinterpreting.
Few people can enjoy the luxury the silence gives: to share things that words can't convey. To be mute and talking. To not speak and understanding.
To just sit close and silently within.

Silence is the most intense form of speaking.

Quick facts about Beethoven's Symphony no. 9. Too lazy to compile one of my own, so I just grabbed it from Aula Simfonia's facebook page. Credits to them.
(p.s. bolded parts are the points I'd like to emphasize.)
(p.s.s. for those going to pass this post as 'this unknown uninteresting classical music again!', go google the 4th movement of Symphony no. 9. It's used as European Anthem. You're surely familiar with it.)

1. By the time Beethoven completed Symphony No. 9 in 1824, he had written and performed his masterpiece compositions: 5 Piano Concertos, 1 Violin Concerto, an opera, Overtures, Cello and Piano Sonatas, some 30+ Piano Sonatas, Trios for various instruments, numerous String Quartets and of course 8 symphonies. He died in 1827, Symphony No. 9 was his last symphony.

2. In 1785 a German Poet, Friedrich Schiller wrote a poem An die Freude ~ Ode To Joy which texts Beethoven used for the choral part in Symphony 9th final movement. Schiller wrote the poem as celebration of brotherhood and mankind. Other composers whose works based on Schiller's poems were Brahms, Schubert, Giuseppe Verdi, Rossini and Tchaikovsky.

3. Though the 9th was commissioned by Philarmonic Society of London in 1817 but several concepts and sketches, some dated much earlier had formed the writing of the Ninth. One was as early as 1793 when Beethoven set his mind to compose a music based on Schiller’s An die Freude, and some pieces were from his sketches written in 1811.

4. Beethoven started to lose his hearing in 1795 at age 25. In his 1802 letter to his brothers now known as Heilingenstadt Testament. In that letter he wrote about his thoughts of suicide yet then decide to live through his life so he could continue to contribute his great talent to the music world. In that same year he began to compose Symphony No. 2.

5. In Symphony No. 9 it was the first time a choir sang together with the instruments in a Symphony. The incorporation of vocal voices and instruments in the 4th movement didn’t come easily even for Beethoven. He had finished the first 3 movements before several attempts for the 4th movement which took him almost a year. The choral was sung by 4 vocal soloists and a choir.

6. Symphony No. 9 complete composition was autographed in February 1824 and premiered May 1824 in Vienna. It has been 10 years since the premiere of Symphony No. 8 and Beethoven’s fans have much anticipated it. It was no doubt one of Beethoven’s greatest work among his hundreds and until now is one of the greatest music ever written.

7. One of the most touching story about this great symphony happened at its premiere in Vienna in 1824 along with the three parts of Beethoven Missa Solemnis. The public had much anticipated the Ninth. At the end of the Symphony, Beethoven was still conducting while the orchestra had stopped. His audiences broke out in thunderous applause, Beethoven being completely deaf for many years couldn’t hear a thing. Young soprano soloist Caroline Unger took his hand and turned him around to face his audiences, which acclaimed him with five standing ovations. There were handkerchiefs thrown in the air, hats, raised hands so that Beethoven could see the ovation gestures. Police agents at the concert had to calm the audiences and Beethoven left the concert deeply moved.

8. Influence in technology: at about 70mins the 9th is also the longest of all 9 Beethoven symphonies. When Sony and Philips set the standard for compact disc technology in 1979-1980, one of the considerations to the 74-min CD was that the whole Symphony No. 9 can fit into one CD.
Having been drooling over Aula Simfonia's website for quite some time, finally last Sunday I had the privilege to hear this masterpiece live. At my first experience watching professional orchestra performance ever. No regrets, it was worth my every penny.
Just like the conductor said, the music I heard was a composition which the composer himself had never heard.
And it was a very, very beautiful music indeed. Which many say is the best of his works, probably the best composition ever written. That, composed by a deaf man, surpassed works of the hearings.

People really are amazing, aren't they?

I am never the overachiever, never the underachiever. Just somewhere in-between. Never makes people go yay, never makes people go nay. Just somewhere in-between. Maybe you see me as your world's merrier. Walking on the same street as yours, occupying the vacant seat as another little touch for your scenes, chattering and talking just for those distant background noises.
But in my life, I take the center stage. I am not always "those uncredited casts", you know.
Just, learn to give some respect. In case one day your spotlight goes off, and you're overwhelmed by the sudden darkness, you can lean on me who's been long living in it.

I hear you, pleasant voices. Fainting sounds, featherlight hums, a music that is sheer silence in a beautiful wrapping. Never before, has a mere nothingness been so audible.
When I close my eyes I see portraits, lovely as a pretty woman, innocent as a kid, pure as their smile and looks in their eyes. Clear as if golden-framed, hung on the wall before me.
Pleasant voices. Twelve minutes after the clock strikes twelve. Such is the beauty, so needless I am to see. Or rather, so unwilling I am to see.

Janji suci 2014 nih. Abang jangan pensiun dulu ya, aku mau nonton abang pokoknya harus banget <3

Take ten years - no, twelve years perhaps - back from today.
We were still little kids, backseat passengers, three of us. Dreaming of the future, a day when we would be old enough to drive, so we'll let our parents be the backseat passengers instead of us.
Twelve years later, and we are still going down the same road each year. Same traffic. My brothers have grown into pleasant gentlemen, I've been close to being at my twenties myself. My two brothers are on the front seat, one driving. Our parents the backseat passenger. Me on the back as well. We're here. We've dreamt about this through our younger years.
Some things don't go as planned. Some other do. This is one of those that do. What a pleasant one, isn't it?
(One might wonder, so this is the answer.)

I could wish I had foreseen
the lies - or rather,
the untold truth. Of what have
not been said, yet have not

For had I been enlightened,
I'd have never surrendered
my 3 o'clock in the morning;
sleepy eyes losing to
the joy
of what I gambled on
just to lose it later on.

And by know, we would've
laughed merrily, eyes
not avoiding each other.

Instead of struggling
to forget
what could've never happened.

I could wish so.
But what is now pain had given me joy,
and to that I am thankful;

enough not to look back
to list what could have gone different.

Don't you think it's frustrating when you come across some random stories, and can totally relate yourself to the situation / emotional stance of a particular character, but can't come to understand the way in which the character solve the problem? Things could be different. Things could have been different.

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

-Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy)

"There certainly was some great mismanagement in the education of those two great men. One has got all the goodness, the other all the appearance of it."

- Pride and Prejudice.
Such a divine book it is.


Duh gw ga jago ngeblog yang nyeritain kejadian-kejadian gitu... tapi rasanya perlu aja nih buat sharing buat orang2 yg pake motor matic juga, biar ga ngalamin kejadian yg gw alamin haha (soksok korban heboh bgt pdhl mah biasa aja).
Jadi gini, tadi magrib pas gw pergi dr rumah, sebenernya gw niat mau berangkat pake motor biar cepet (takut kena macet buka puasa cenah). Kebetulan dari minggu kmrn setelah motor gw diservis, motor gw ini ga mau nyala; dinyalain biasa atau dikickstart/di slah juga gak bisa. Cuman weekend kemaren, setelah kaka gw ngecek, katanya gak bisa nyala gara2 aki motor gw mau abis. Bisa nyala, cuma harus di kickstart katanya. Walopun minggu kemarennya gw udah coba kickstart sebenernya dan tetep gak mau nyala, gw percaya2 aja deh sama kata kaka gw.
Jadi, tadi magrib gw coba lagilah nyalain tuh motor gw.
Pas mau gw nyalain cara biasa (pake tombol ignition start itu loh), reaksi motor gw tetep sama dengan minggu kemarennya. Masih gak mau nyala, bahkan gak ada bunyi mesinnya sama sekali. Gw masih tetep optimis dan gw coba kickstart motor gw.
Kali pertama gw kickstart, masih gak nyala, tapi ada sedikit reaksi (gak mati total kayak minggu kmrn).
Lumayan optimislah gw akhirnya gw coba kickstart buat yang kedua kalinya... tapi tau2nya....
Motor gw meledak!!
Gak semotor-motor meledak terus jadi gumpalan api gitu juga sih, lebay. Cuma ada bunyi ledakan, keras banget. Gw gatau dari bagian mana, dan gw gak liat apakah berasap atau gimana, soalnya pas ada bunyi ledakan gt gw langsung lari keluar dr garasi. Dan agak-agak shock gitu (sumpah keras banget bunyinya, bunyi petasan lewat deh, nyokap gw aja sampe langsung lari dari dalem rumah). Jadi gw gak cek lagi motor gw.
Tadi gw ceritain tentang meledaknya motor gw ke temen gw, kata dia sih emg suka banyak yg cerita gitu terutama motor matic, emang kadang2 suka meledak gitu.
Yah jadi my fellow matic bike riders.... be prepared for the explosion! Lol. Jangan sampe juga sih tapi. Haha. Tapi kalo sampe iya... *pasang muka I've told you so*

Moon river,
wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style, someday
You dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever you're going, I'm going your way

Two drifters,
off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow end
My huckleberry friend,
moon river,
and me.

Superrr nyesel lewatin dua konser ini.... yang pertama yg Cantabile padahal songlist nya super asik banget gara2 lagu yg ada di Nodame Cantabile semua, tapi berhubung belum gaul waktu itu ga tau ada konser ini. Terus yang kedua, padahal tau ada konser itu pas lagi seneng2nya sama Piano Concerto-nya Rachmaninov, tapi lagi bener2 ribet deadline tugas dan ga mungkin ada jadwalnya bergaul nonton konser ke Jakarta (mungkin banget sih sebenernya, tapi ga ada yg nganter & mau nemenin jadi ribet). Aaaaa orkestra apapun bikin konser tribute Nodame Cantabile lagi doooong...

People really need this so they know where to store those excessive joy during those bubbly-phase. Another day, we'll be happy we got some on stock. Must be great having this coming to the rescue in times of deep despair.
But maybe not. Illustrious, momentary happiness are drugs. We can't stand it when it fades away. We'd crave for more. We'd die for more. We'd live and die, thousand times, for more.

Why do we say we know someone once we've seen and met them on daily basis? Do continuous encounters and just occasional conversations enough for one to claim to have known another?

Had the world not made us be too cautious and suspect every strangers of being ill-willed, I'd gladly throw myself to any random strangers I'd feel like talking to. I'd rather just meet someone once and no more, but just talk whatever we feel like talking. A lengthy talk. It doesn't have to be too deep or thoughtful; sometimes you can get flashes of inspiration from a light pointless conversation.
I wouldn't have to know the name, or phone number or whatsoever, we may or may not meet again but I'd walk away feeling I've already known him more than half the people I've met on daily basis in my life.

Embracing limitation, uber cool!

Name a person who has never made bad decisions in his life, it's gonna be someone who has never made a single decision in his life.

Suka sedih deh rasanya kalau mau post lagu di sini, blogger please update your features and let me post mp3 files here!

Anyways, if you're into classics (or not much into it, but it suits your mood every now and then) go check Claude Debussy's Children Corner Suite. The whole 7 songs of Children Corner Suite. Lagi suka banget sama lagu-lagunya. Terutama Arabesque no 1 in E Major... enak bangetttt.. (dan lagi-lagi kalo pengen ngepost lagu akhirnya post video youtube-nya aja)

Debussy created so many beautiful whimsical music, many of them are absolute favorite in my playlist. Simply genius composer <3

Two pair of eyes wandering around; sightseeing while secretly searching. One finds another, two surprised faces now they are. Is it genuine? Or is it expected; silently hoped?
Upon bumping onto each other the two planned their surprised faces. The two planned the shock, the losing-words, awkward moment in between. So fine their practices were, they didn't realize how expected the unexpected was for each other. And so the two walked into their cups of coffee, in their own minds practicing the lines they've prepared for the long-awaited encounter.
They created a chance, and both confident that it was a coincidence for the other.

Temppeliaukio Church, in Helsinki, Finland. Built inside a giant piece of Granite. Excellent acoustic thanks to the granite wall, often used as a music venue.
Super kerennnnnn :O :O

Went to a friend's place in Malang with a bunch of friends. Close friends of mine, they are. Took a short stay (barely longer than the time spent on road!) but it was worth it. Not many fancy places but that's not what I'm after anyway. Maybe I'll put some photos here, maybe not, we'll see (it's been a while since I put pictures here).

We stayed in my friend's place. The place was a cutie, as expected from her lol. One thing I immediately noticed, is how she framed and hung my hasty watercolor work I did for her as a birthday present (well, maybe more a birthday card than a present). It was far from a great one, but she treated it so nicely. I am deeply flattered. Sadly I forgot to take picture of it being framed, but I took one photo of it after I finished it so I'll think about posting it here. Thank you, my dearest friend! There's nothing more moving than a genuine appreciation.

Sometimes I feel like my life has been moving in similar fashion as a big, big carousel. I get this impression that I keep moving, moving up and down, but constantly forward. Then after awhile I arrive to the same scene, seeing same things while this thing I'm riding on never stops moving. The whole time this same lame and tacky music keeps playing, with occasional noises from afar coming and fading away. I seriously hate the false impression of my life on this lame horse I am riding. Hence I dropped my way, baring the sickness of standing stationery after those long periods of circling hopelessly.

in (and out)

Pernah ga lo berada dalam satu lingkar pergaulan (atau komunitas, atau organisasi, you name it), for once settled yourself well comfortably in the very inner circle (even in the core!), but then after awhile, lo rada menarik jarak, mundur, sampai akhirnya lo udah keluar dari lingkaran itu.. Oke mungkin ga keluar-keluar amat, tapi yang jelas posisi lo sekarang udah ga di dalam 'the intimate line' itu tapi udah agak-agak diluar.. You stand in the outer circle.
Gw pernah.. sering bahkan.
Gw ga bangga dengan kecenderungan gw yg kaya gini; gw bukan orang yang jago mempertahankan intimasi sama komunitas tertentu begitu situasi dan kondisi udah ga memungkinkan lagi. Kadang-kadang gw malah cenderung ngerasa bahwa gw ada dalam lingkar-lingkar pergaulan tertentu gara-gara emang keadaannya mengharuskan gw buat ada di situ, semacam be friends with them or have no friends at all. Ga seekstrim itu sih, karena toh gw comfortable kok dengan teman-teman gw; befriending them is more a pleasure than obligation. Tapi gw bukan orang yang bakal selalu keep in touch dengan intensitas yang sama even setelah situasi dan kondisi berubah. Gimana ya neranginnya.. misalnya gini deh, ada orang yang masih sering banget ketemuan dan kontak2an dengan intens sama bff jaman SMA/SMPnya.. atau masih heavily involved in any organization he's been in.. nah gw bukan tipe orang yg kaya gt.
Gw suka iri dengan orang yang masih bisa mingle dengan teman-teman lama atau masih bisa tetap berada di inner circle dari suatu komunitas dalam waktu yang lama. But at the same time, I feel blessed because I can see things from two different perspectives. And more often than not, things I discover when I step into the 'outer circle' surprise me. There are many things we fail to see when we are so well-settled in the inner circle, and equally as much we fail to see with just a mere glance from the outer circle. Seringkali pas kita ada di inner circle dan dapet cibiran dari luar, we will instinctively try to defend ourselves. Membela diri mati-matian. But then try to step out and look at what used to be us; it's easy to feel the way other people feel.
Try for once, stepping out of the circle. When you've got your chance to see from both perspective then it will be way easier to respect each other's opinions.

Sometimes, the universe works in a very weird way..
Ones of which are unexpected encounters, and unexpected people you get acquainted with in the least possible way you'd imagine..
All surprises never ceased to amaze me, and you may call me superstitious but I do believe there is indeed a reason.. ada alasan kenapa Tuhan mempertemukan atau mempertentangkan, ada alasan kenapa Dia menciptakan persimpangan; pertemuan antara kehendak bebas dan takdir yang Dia rencanakan. Apa dan mengapa, terkadang sulit dimengerti, tapi kadang menyenangkan saat hati tak henti berdebar mencoba menerjemahkan arti dibalik rangkaian kebetulan.

Jika kebetulan terjadi terlalu banyak, apakah kamu percaya bahwa itu tidak bermakna?
Jika itu terjadi, seorang ilmuwan akan mencari pola-pola. Dan orang beriman akan mencari rencana Tuhan. 
 -Manjali dan Cakrabirawa, Ayu Utami 

Hal menyenangkan dari hari-hari awal liburan: space otak sangat kosong untuk bisa diisi pikiran macam-macam!
Selama kuliah, mana mungkin bisa mind adventure kayak sekarang - bisa sih, but not to such extent. Mungkin karena otak jadinya lebih banyak terkuras buat kepentingan-kepentingan yang punya tanggal untuk dikejar dan setiap hari rasanya teriak-teriak minta perhatian. Mana sempet mikir jauh-jauh kalau setiap hari ada banyak kepentingan yang sependek satu minggu atau malah satu hari.
Wajar sih, ritme kuliah sekarang juga kayaknya lagi puncak-puncaknya.
Buat saya, senang banget begitu liburan sekarang, bisa kasih kesempatan buat otak melepaskan diri dari pikiran-pikiran yang cuma seputar obligations and short-term targets, dan dari kemarin kayaknya saya bener-bener puasin diri untuk berkhayal sejauh-jauhnya... haha.
Saya sendiri lumayan kaget sih... setelah liburan saya malah agak kurang tertarik buat hal-hal kayak rencana liburan atau semacamnya; sampai sekarang saya belum ada rencana mau trip kemana-mana atau holiday plan semacam itu. Padahal selama masa-masa jadi zombie dikejar deadline itu rasanya bener-bener nyumpahin habis-habisan bakal balas dendam senang-senang dan hura-hura... but up until now i've actually enjoyed my time just staying home and thinking of things I've never had time to think about in the midst of those deadlines!
Which is... rencana satu, dua, tiga tahun lagi. Belakangan ini saya sadar kalo banyak banget hal-hal yang terlewatkan sekarang yang kemungkinan besar bisa menyusahkan rencana jangka panjang yang saya mau capai. Banyak hal-hal yang kalo diliat sekarang, skala prioritasnya gak terlalu tinggi, tapi kalau saya abaikan, it will cost me much later. Kadang-kadang, when my brain has switched to the 'short-term-thinking' mode, sering banget saya gagal melihat apa yang harus saya bangun mulai dari sekarang untuk mencapai tujuan saya.. the big thing I'm trying to achieve.
Dan sekarang.. while my brain is well in the 'long-term thinking' mode, I need to figure out the things I need to note on my to-do-list... better do it now before I miss the big picture yet again!

the heat's coming!

Not a daily football watcher but I can be a #1 fan when the heat's coming. I know, I know, I'm so mainstream to follow the trend, but really I am genuinely excited in big tournaments and the likes of Champion League, World Cup, and the now ongoing Euro cannot excite me more ;)

I'm more an individual supporter than a team supporter.. which explains why I'm not so content into following leagues. Bcs I can be this one hell of a supporter and then my favorite player switches team... then I lost all my interest. My favorite player is Philipp Lahm and Cesc Fabregas... the former plays for Bayern Munchen and the German league is not so popular here so no chance to follow, and the latter was a long time Arsenal player... then moved to Barca. And I was one hell of Arsenal fan so you can tell what happened in my watching the Premier League afterwards :p
Anyways I'm all excited for Euro! My money's on Germany to win it! Won't be disappointed if it goes to Spain or England, tho. Really looking forward to a great show!

after a bookstore visit today

One once said, stores such as bookstores or music stores are one of the best way to do some kind of 'image branding'. You just have to make sure you are seen standing in front of the right section of book/music.
Then I wonder what impression am I trying to make every time I wander off in a bookstore... 'I'm so multitalented everything just interests me'? Hahahaha... that sounds so arrogant.
But no, I'm serious. Because I'm this kind of person who likes to just wander around at every corner in a bookstore... sometimes even back and forth. But it's not like 'I'm so multitalented everything just interests me', because many books I stare at, I won't even spend a penny to buy them. Especially politics and economics... erghh just not my stuff.
But I like to stare at book covers. I like them staring back at me. I like letting myself be lured into reading anything they're possibly selling inside that sealed plastic.
Some of them are screaming at me with their large titles and provocative words: "I SWEAR THIS IS GREAT. I SWEAR I AM SO GRREAAAATTTTT BUY ME"
Some of them speak so little. Just a word or two on the cover, very minimalistic graphics. They are like the seducer; "What you see is nowhere near all of me. Wanna know what I've got? Come to me baby" Yeah just like that.
Some come with very cool cover designs they simply scream to me: "If you're a hipster you're gonna like me and people will think so cool of you carrying me around!"
Funny right, just that one front page can leave so much an impression.

Famous phrase says, 'don't judge a book by its cover'. But can we? We can't help. How can we not judge it from its cover if the rest we cannot see inside the sealed plastic? We are only left with the covers to stare at.

So I believe. Do judge a book by the cover. And do choose our own covers. We have to choose what impression we would like to leave in the eyes of the curious. We choose how we would like to be judged.

The choice is ours to present the selling point of ourselves.. in representation of the parts of us we left sealed in the plastic covers.

'L'isle joyeuse'

Why does fascination fade?
Why do we get bored of thing that was once glittery gold in our eyes?
For once it seems unfair.

But maybe it's fair.. because there are also some amazement that slowly grows. And some things that never fails to impress. And some first sights that never leave the mind. Some other things come and stay... in return to those that fade away.

let's call it a day

At which point of life would you like to say it? At which point of life would you be glad, and can genuinely be relieved in exhaling that last stressful breath, relax all the tense muscles, and actually say: let's call it a day?
It could well be today.. it could as well take forever to finally say it.
I for once was so shallow to think that I actually can say that yesterday. And I was so convinced with the idea of being able to say that!
Well, could I?
No, I couldn't.
I still wake up late every morning feeling clueless of what to do and where to go. It's not something that makes me happy, though it's clearly not as stressful as being haunted 24/7 by a certain deadline date.
But it's not as satisfying and as relieving as I once thought it would be.
I can't be relieved and call it a day when I don't even know where I am standing on and which path I am aiming to follow.
I watch people with their own determination, walking down a certain path - be it a family life, a spiritual relationship, a solid career, a pursue of self-virtue, or just living another day doing nothing and just be that 'dumb but happy' man.
Maybe they can be so sure at which point of life they will be able to say: let's call it a day.
It's because they already picture that state of life they would like to reach; that certain goal they would like to achieve. And it's not a mere obligation, not a mere formality.
And my many hasty, wishy-washy dreams won't do.

Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin

Note to self: find a way to make money (desperately looking at all assignment's expense notes)

Good evening.

Aw, such a nice feeling coming to this blog, like new all over again with people barely coming here. Not that it was a huge traffic here before anyway, but still, now it gives me a more solitary feeling I'm looking for.
In a couple of days, May will be over, which is both a bad and good news (notice how I mention the bad before the good!). Bad is: deadline's coming. Which practically drives me crazy.. the word stressed may be a wee bit too much for now (I'll save that to use later when I'm in my final year!), but trust me I'm so close to it lol. Pulling all nighters, going back and forth to Pasirkoja where I do my bengkel work, messed up with my health and stuffs.
In the midst of this enormous mental chaos, I find it really hard to refrain myself from writing lines of desperation, negativity, and complains. Which is why I haven't come here so often because as soon as I typed it will be about yeah the assignment, and yet another assignment, and yet another.. see right now I'm even talking about it! Which makes up another reason why I changed my blog address. Because I indeed am pathetic now and I don't want too many people to know that!
Good news is that as soon as May is over.... I can say hello to the quiet-day-after-the-storm. And I can be pretty sure that the first day of being able to lying lazy on the couch without anything to worry about will be the sweetest thing I'll have had after a while.

O dear, how I am longing for those days to arise, and so the days of despair shall pass.

/via Skype

F: duh gw udh gamau nugas lg
F: tp gamau bobo jg
A: sama ceu
A: udah kita nyanyi2 aja
A: menjadi kupu yang sehat
A: terbawa angin berkilau
A: sekarang ku pergi untuk bertemu dikau
(buat yg gatau, ini lagu openingnya digimon)
F: hal yang bukan urusanmu
F: lebih baik lupakan saga
F: sialan lo

If, God willing, you're able to find your way here, would you lend me a shoulder to lean?

Semester-end symptom: major meltdown.

May please end fast, ergh sick of these assignments :'(

People really are just amazing

Rachmaninoff's first concerto piece after he recovered from clinical depression caused by negative reception to his first symphony and problems in personal life (thanks Nodame Cantabile for the info haha).

Try to hear it. At first it sounded so painful.. depressed, unstable. And then after a while... it becomes so serene. Like a quite day after a storm. What is it? Like the sound of an acceptance. Not something like giving up, just sheer acceptance.
He explained his life, all things he had been through.

Ah, a quiet day after the big storm....
Sighing in relief, and closing your eyes, slowly and peacefully. For the first time, without having anything to fear.

From our last encounter I was left with words hanging just at the tip of my tongue
I kept the words just where they were.
Never for once had the thought crossed my mind; just so long a separation would be.
Been several years.

Such a long time has passed since then.

“If anything is possible, then it is possible to prove that something is impossible. And if it is possible to prove that something is impossible, then necessarily, something is impossible.”
– Roy Sorensen, Vagueness and Contradiction, 2001

this, and many other ridiculous paradoxes of life......... the world never stops making the fool out of us, eh?
anyway i take it from futility closet, a nice website i have to say, definitely on my bookmark bar ;)

just taken some random quiz at, there you can paste some of your writings (in English) and compare it to many author's writing, and discover which author your writings are similar to!
i tried twice, the first one i copy pasted this post, then I get James Joyce (he wrote Ulysses which many say is a great work, I haven't read it though).
then i copy pasted this post, simply because of all my recent posts that one is perhaps the one i like the most, and guess what I got??

I write like
Jane Austen
I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

awwww so happy!! ♥♥♥ can i take it as a compliment? to be fair, though, i did write the post after i read Jane Eyre which has more or less similar style to her works, so i don't write like that pretty often, but i do hope that i can write like her... Jane Austen!

Good morning, friends.
A laid back morning while temporarily forgetting the piling up to-dos is really a gem you don't find everyday. Thanks to the approaching semester-end most of my classes have ended, but I do have handful of tasks in place of the classes.
Only I won't talk about tasks, neither do it for the moment. I'll do it in PM I guess (let's hope so!). Now is the time to take a virtual walk on other people's life - and feeling envious every now and then :)
It's always easy to observe other people's lives and just wow in amazement. It's harder to reflect back on our own - sometimes we'll end up comparing others' amazing life with our ordinary one in regret. Especially as days come and gone and we become older and older, sometimes we look back to our younger days and just regret, 'why didn't I try that back then? why didn't I do that?'
But as we spent another day blaming yesterday for things we aren't capable of today, it's another day gone and wasted.
Is there really anything like 'too late to begin'? Maybe there is, but today is always a day earlier than tomorrow, right?
Speaking of which, well I guess the same applies to me doing my tasks. Uh-huh. I'm eating my humble pie! Off to go :p

mayday, mayday

may's coming! as the curtain of the 4th semester is drawn, the beginning of the porto-era dawns.


How would you like your Saturday? Would you want a relaxed one; idling your mind while seated comfortably and listening to eargasmic music, leaving all worries behind and just let yourself be indulged by some of our finest playlist? Or would you want another day of brainfeeding; a day full of inspiring talks, ringing the bells in your head?

Be it the former, why not have a go at an evening concert presented by Keluarga Paduan Angklung SMAN 3 Bandung at Gedung Teater Jakarta? Here, our genuine culture meets the music of our lifetime. Anything from classics to the latest hits, just like the tagline, "The choice is yours!" Have a go here to find out more!

Be it the later, this one is of course the one you cannot miss! Unlock the potentials within your very self, we'll help you with how. Learn more about business and design and hear our speakers share the secrets! Design your business, business your design in our Design Business Day! Contact me or take a look at here for more info ;)

What would you love more than the joy of morning nine o'clock in spring days?
Just when the warmth greets hello to the chill the night has left, waving goodbye to the frozen fingertips and the calls of the seemingly-too-friendly blankets over the crumpled bed sheets.
Just when the sun paints its color to the portrait on your window, just when you cringe your eyes in delight to the growing brights. And never, never more eager to be out and thereabout, dancing your steps below the blue sky.

What would you love more? If any, wishing one a good day might be.

Really miss some good readings; hardly had time in between tasks (but still not getting my tasks done fine and in time, what a poor time management I have!). Anyway it feels like forever since I last had a proper time for some fine reads. I feel really pathetic to find myself ended up wasting time scrolling over those typical sites on the internet - the #1 in my "100 Ways to Waste Time and Regret It Later" list (which never existed lol I'm just making it up)
Graaaah I'm definitely gonna finish my tasks by tomorrow and indulge myself with some good books on Sunday!

How much do the depth miss the height? Through the darkness and the light and the border between both they had to go.

So close yet so far; he looked down and she looked up, longing to be side-by-side.

i really could trade my piano with some strings just to sit there and play just once in my life. such a beauty i always admire.

really, really, really love this mixtape!!

sedikit midnight bluff yuk, berhubung gw asalnya berniat mau tidur tapi ternyata belum ngantuk samsek dan jadi mikir macem2 (cie banyak pikiran).

as much as i hate the cheesy dramas or teenlit novels, i have to admit that they play the big part of shaping our opinion. seberapa sering sih lo baca teenlit yang tokoh hero-nya (kayak the school idol, dll dll gt) adalah cowok lurus dan cowok ppkn? the spotlight falls to those bad-boy types, the ones who keep skipping school and behaving improperly yet miraculously always score high grades. it rarely falls to the guys who actually work hard to earn their prizes. which explains why sometimes we like to pretend we didn't put much effort into our grades even when we actually do; so that when we get good grades it will impress more. i believe it wasn't the intention, but we are made to worship the gifted (or even the failed!) - not the hardworkers. and we are made to think of the ppkn-type as just plain boring (or even annoying). what a contrast to our elementary times, when we think high-and-mighty of the norm of society.

as we grow, we gradually throw apart our ppkn-idealism and, aware or not, we actually detest those who stick to them. di dunia nyata, si anak yang rajin belajar, berbakti pada orangtua dan guru, suka menolong yang membutuhkan dan menegur yang berbuat tercela, ternyata bukan anak supel dan punya banyak teman tapi si anak cari muka ambisius menyebalkan - the contrary of what we learn all this time. how could it be?

mungkin itu juga lebih ke mankind's nature kali ya; when shown one way we always seek another, we always feel challenged to everything that marked 'forbidden'. we seek thrills, our guts like danger. in the end, does not the darkness shine curiosity? i think it's just one of our nature to find imperfection captivating - that having something off the norm makes it look more exciting.

ok i know it's kinda late to post something like this
i grow sick of watching tv, all the news features and the so-called diplomatic interviews and speeches, all spitting out long sentences to create a self-branding - just the egocentrical aims under the name of 'concerning country's needs'.
i don't see much contrast when compared to the lately trending vandalists and anarchists on the streets - burning public facilities, harming other's safeties under the name of 'aspirating civil's needs'.

they are making the same chaos - only one is wrapped by the tidy clean white collars when doing so.

found this while stumbling;

three-word phrases that make relationships better:
- let me help
- i understand you
- i respect you
- i miss you
- maybe you're right
- please forgive me
- i thank you
- count on me
- i'll be there
- go for it
- i love you

i think i am going to add one; please help me.
because somehow it's relieving to seek help, and at the same time it's a privilege to feel needed.
sometimes we'll just have to let loose the tough face, right? and to whom we may let our dependent self be exposed, won't it be our dearest ones?
kadang ada yang lebih menyenangkan daripada terus menawarkan diri sebagai bantuan, sebab semua perlu timbal-balik, bukan?

gw mau cerita kisah tragis cinta dan persahabatan binatang2 di gedung SR yang berujung matinya Hitler, kucing SR. kejadiannya hari Senin sore kemarin, dan Hitler udah dimakamin kemaren malem...

jadi di gedung SR dan sekitarnya (kantin arsi) itu ada 2 binatang yang berdomisili disitu, yah pokonya tiap hari keliarannya disitu. yang pertama namanya hitler, dia kucing kampung gitu warnanya putih ada corak itemnya, dan karena ada corak item di atas mulutnya yang mirip kumis hitler maka dia dinamai hitler. nah yang kedua itu anjing namanya roti, kenapa namanya roti gw kurang tau, pokonya dia adalah anjing ramah yang agak murahan gt sama siapa aja mau. hitler dan roti ini sebagai sesama binatang yang suka berkeliaran di daerah gedung sr, akhirnya jadi sahabat deket gitu. walopun yang satu anjing yang satu kucing dan persahabatan mungkin kaya ngelawan fitrah, tapi mereka ga peduli, seerat itu deh pokonya persahabatan mereka.
nah, ga lama ini, roti baru punya pacar, anjing betina warna coklat agak gold gitu. namanya siapa masih jadi polemik, kemaren baru isi kuesioner buat ngasih nama, tapi sementara ini nama yang paling populer sih morrin (jodohnya roti).

senin sore kemaren, di depan kantin arsi, hitler sama roti lagi main-main lucu gitu, ya seperti biasanya mereka main-main. mereka kaya saling gonggong-gonggongan dan meong-meongan dan kaya main-main berantem gitu. yah sama aja kaya kita kali ya, suka soksok berantem tapi berantem-berantem becanda antar temen gitu, nah hitler sama roti juga main kaya gitu. nah tapi pas mereka lagi maen, melintaslah morrin. morrin sebagai pendatang baru yang ga terlalu kenal hitler, salah paham dengan situasi yang dia liat. dia kira roti lagi berantem sama hitler. sebagai pacar baru yang mau cari muka dan soksok pahlawan, akhirnya dia (ceritanya) mau bantuin roti. morrin ngegigit hitler di lehernya. karena gigitan di leher itu lumayan fatal akhirnya hitler mati...... roti udah marah banget sama morrin sampe gonggong-gonggong marah gitu katanya, terus morrin jadi bingung gara-gara roti marah, akhirnya morrin pergi... dan mereka marahan gitu.

tragis banget kisah mereka, kalo lo masih ngerasa kurang bisa menghayati kisah tragis ini, coba aja lo bayangin, lo punya sahabat, terus lo baru jadian. tiba-tiba pacar baru lo ngebunuh sahabat lo. pas lo marah ke pacar lo, dia malah ninggalin lo gitu aja. gimana rasanya? dalem sobbbbb....

RIP Hitler, semoga hidupmu indah di alam sana ya....

kemana selama ini tangan menggapai-gapai
dan angan berandai-andai
sepertinya takkan pernah sampai.

1,2,3... tahan napas...
ga perlu kasur kok ga perlu, hammock kaya gini di kamar aja cukup kayanya

is there something no one has ever googled before?

blessed are those who have faith in those unseen, unheard but never unfelt. for believing eases burden, and when the soul is in joy so the body will be.
blessed i am to have been introduced such a gleeful feeling of believing - of holding on to something - of having somewhere to come home always.

i really feel like unfriending you right now. don't misjudge, nothing's wrong. it's just that i really want to talk to a complete stranger about something, but i can only picture myself talking to you. it's bad, you know me too well.

for the dearest

This post is gonna be the longest post i've ever made in 2012 by far, and this i present to my car Epo.

meet my dearest bestfriend. call him Epo. he's my mojo ride; ever since i started driving cars i've been driving him. i've driven other cars, too, but most of the time it's him.
call me weird or what, but this car has been very very dear to me. idk, he's just like a buddy. kemana-mana hampir selalu Epo yang jadi andalan. pernah super baret-baret, penyok, lecet-lecet, sampai akhirnya kemaren baru aja dicat ulang sampai dia super mulus dan ganteng, i feel like falling in love with him all over again.
Epo udah tua, dia Lancer Evo III keluaran taun 1994. kaki-kakinya udah ga jelas, jendelanya udah banyak yg rusak, kuncinya udah ga bener, apalagi radio udah deh gausah ditanya. tapi mesinnya, duh gila bagus banget. beneran mantep banget. tanya semua orang yang pernah test-drive Epo. they'll say he's the manliest car, ever!

he's maybe flawed, but i think he's the best. sempet ada rencana untuk jual Epo. tapi gw ga mau, gw lebih milih nabung buat benerin dan bagusin dia. tabungan gw kmrn sempet dipake buat cat ulang dia. rencananya gw lg nabung lagi buat benerin kaki-kaki dan audionya. oiya, pasang kaca film juga. pokonya, gw udh punya rencana macem2 deh sama dia. sama sekali ga kepikiran mau ganti mobil laen.

hari ini, Epo dibeli orang. padahal sebenernya ga niat dijual sih, asalnya mau jual mobil yang laen, tapi orang itu liat Epo, terus ditawar beli. banyak pertimbangan, akhirnya Epo dijual. besok, Epo udah resmi bukan milik gw lg.
rasanya aneh banget, kayanya pertama kalinya deh gw sesedih ini melepas sesuatu milik gw (padahal yg beli mobil itu pun bukan gw). tadi gw abis jalan-jalan terakhir sama Epo. lumayan, ngetol, doing some 100++ kph with him haha, and he's a nice ride as always.

take care Epo.

Lancer kesayangan gw, yg selalu diprotes sama temen-temen kampus gw, "kok plat-nya B sih ceu?" kalo ketemu mobil ini di jalan, salamin ya!

he's gone nearly 160 kph, and he could do more! haha mimpi kali ya geber dia sampe 240

dulu waktu belum di-tuneup, susah banget nyalain Epo terutama kalo dini hari pulang abis gawe gitu, haha. pasti sekali dua kali gagal distarter, sampe harus diem dulu sambil nepuk-nepuk dasbor Epo, "ayo Epo, jalan dong Epo"

did i mention i shared this car with my brother? well, this is his - gantungan spion ramones

AC Epo biarpun lawas tapi dingin hahahaha, bikin mabok AC!!

always love the little peek we always take every now and then here :D

my daily view from the driver's seat! handsome Epo!!

mungkin gw terdengar agak maniak atau drama queen bikin post sepanjang ini cuma buat mobil doang, haha, tapi beneran gw sayang banget sama Epo. i feel like i'm obliged to make 'a tribute post for Epo' hahahaha :p tomorrow he'll be taken away from my garage and someone's garage will be his new home. i'll miss you verrrrry much Epo, doain mobil gw yg selanjutnya bakal lebih kece dari dia ya, hahahaha.

a must have in my future house: a reading room with a window-seat.

a very devastating video of what's happening on the other side of the globe. it's such a shame that it has been happening for such a long time yet the name Kony had never been heard of before (well at least i haven't heard about him before).
so little i can do to help, but i hope this will just do. please spare some time to just watch, and just spread the words.

p.s. anaknya lucuuuu!!!! :3

lagi iseng browsing2 tiba2 liat ini.... open requirement buat internship program di RBR team gt. haha terus jadinya kepo-kepo, pengen sih rawrrr tapi background pendidikan kayanya ga memenuhi hahaha, terus baca2, katanya gausah pake CV atau pengalaman atau segala macem keribetan yang kaya gitu, tinggal ikut online test, kalo lulus dikasih kode terus bisa daftar, submit application form terus kalo berhasil tinggal video interview gt. ga ditanyain educational background atau experience sama sekali. rawrrr terus dengan semangat iseng2 berhadiah pun ikutan si online testnya dan ternyata... lulus! tring. dikasih kode gitu. abis itu mau daftar, pas mau daftar iseng (lagi) liat terms&conditionsnya, ternyata......
applicationnya cuma terbuka buat residents of UK aja
if only i could live in UK, oh dear milton keynes! duh beneran (agak) sedih ini mah T___T

udah lama ga belajar literally belajar kaya gini, rasanya antara excited tapi pengen jungkir balik rrawrrrr (terus ga betah mantengin pdf mulu jadi maen2 ke safari, tapi malah kelamaan nyangkut di safari gak balik-balik ke pdf)
semangat menghadapi gelombang uts, interiotss!