Archive for October 2014

Some portion of my current desktop. Been playing with the GeekTool app tonight.

I know, quotes on your wallpaper is kinda cheesy, but I always have my heart stolen at the view of vast, empty, solitary ocean.
And as much as I admire the greens and blues and turquoises of the sea, nothing compares to the feelings evoked by the most solemn shades of grey - the muted colour is to me the warmest of all.

A short story I made once upon a time, quite a long time ago.
There's something about sadness that is, to me, so captivating. Why else do we like to read about disappointments, heart breaks, unrequited loves, about losing, missing, and longing?
Sometimes one looks more beautiful with sad eyes and bitter smile. Sometimes words string together better when triggered with aching pain. Sometimes solemn scenes and somber colors makes the most enchanting views.
And most of the times, their impressions last the longest, speak the strongest. Dwell in your heart the closest.

I did a reread on an essay yesterday night:

It is funny, the essence of the essay itself - the message that it tries to convey, I don't necessarily agree with; however, it forces me to think a lot of things I previously take for granted. A friend of mine told me to read this a good while ago - what it speaks of still stays with me until now.

Emma Goldman, the writer, was an anarchist-feminist, and the essay speaks very strongly against marriage. By no means am I trying to promote the anti-marriage campaign by sharing this in my blog, neither am I subscribing to her values and her views, I just strongly urge all of us, especially Indonesian women, to read it just to gain another perspective, to hear some counter-arguments, to understand things that are so often ignored in our society, since marriage is seen as merely another sequence of life, a natural step to take after meeting a desirable partner.

Do we ever consciously add 'getting married' as another box to check in our life's bucket list? As in, really thinking about it as an option instead of an obligation? Or is it a box that has always existed without you remembering having jotted it down, which existence you've never questioned, instead you just assume it's something you'd want to do without ever sparing your time to think 'why'?

THE popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous, that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs. Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on superstition. 
Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can completely outgrow a convention. There are to-day large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.

You'd perhaps cringe as you read it as the contempt of marriage is very overwhelming throughout the essay (bear in mind it was published in 1914, during that time the idea of marriage is very men-centric and patriarchal), but entertain the thought. Just like Aristotle said, it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Just finished this book, and it seriously sent chills to my bones.
I've been wanting to buy this book for quite a while, but never found the book in the bookstores in my city (and too lazy to purchase online). Finally found the book in Balikpapan (Balikpapan!! Shame on you Bandung!!) and bought it.
Seriously, guys, if you haven't already, you should read this book. I can't recommend this enough. This book makes it straight to my all-time favorite list. Orwell is such a genius. Seriously. doubleplusgood.

I had you chalked up as the kind
who likes the shores for its waves and sands
I never knew you had it in you
to adore the gentle ripples
or the way the sea ends where the sky begins.

I like the occasional silence in our conversations.

I like the gaps in between the all the talking. I like the brief rest after my last sentence. I like sensing you frantically searching for the next word to say, the next question to make. I chuckled a bit at that, sorry. It is a bit awkward, I wish you brought that up. So I can brush it off easily. It's okay, you know, sometimes I like it.

It is hard to stop loving the ocean.
Even after it has left you gasping, salty.

-Sarah Kay

I like having spaces, distances,
here and there empty,
rooms spared for later, maybe.
And I like being rest assured
that I'd left some seats vacant,
four-by-fours void,
as if bared under some kind of
yet undefined expectation.

Turns out, I'd like it more
furnished, and used, and set
close together.

Because what's coming
will always manage to find its own spaces:
under the blanket,
over the little space left
between shelves and ceiling.

It doesn't need to be spared some vacant seats,
or rooms void.


October 2014, from now on it'd be just me and my mom.
Suddenly the spaces become overwhelming. Suddenly the idea of living crammed, six-by-six shared by four, seemed so comforting.