Archive for July 2014

Welcome to the world of indecisive people.
If you don't know how dreadful the act of making decision is for an indecisive person, well, trust me it's quite dreadful. Y'know the paradox of choice: we all seem to think that having more choices can increase our satisfaction. In fact, we're often less satisfied with our choice when faced with more options. It's just simpler living with less options to choose from - not having to wonder the things we left off and we could've had, and if they would've been the better option. Though having the luxury of options is something we always crave. Weird, this world we live in.

I wonder if we will ever know how it feels to live in peace, thoroughly. No unpleasant feeling of turning on the TV to news about ongoing wars and invasion, not having to mourn for civilians killed either by rockets flying or some parties shooting down planes crossing borders. Not having to hear racism, sexism, and intolerance practiced in our surroundings. Just world peace, people being able to make compromises and settle in differences.

I pray, everyday, may peace be with all of us. And I do believe that even people who do not believe in making prayers, they do hope, everyday, for peace to be here with all of us.

Mourning the ongoing war over Gaza, the MH17 traffic incidents, and so many terrible things that unfortunately are still the ones we hear on evening news.

I know, love isn't a quantifiable matter. It's not measured by flowers, nor presence, nor words, nor presents. You just know when it's there - filling the air, in its own way apparent.

I felt overwhelmingly loved yesterday. And it wasn't merely because of flowers or presence, of words or presents. It's about all the faces from the ones I've been seeing so often to ones I've longed to see for long. And the fact they're all joining me in celebration, happiness on their faces upon seeing me in person. It's about either the quick or lengthy reunions, hasty rendezvous, seemingly too short conversations. It's about the thought spared in spite of absence, the love that transcends physical presence.
And it only adds to the already abundant joy that there were so much flowers and presence, words and presents.

Dear friends, loved ones, thank you very much and be assured that your kindness in joining the merry of my day I will never forget.

Bandung, July 12 2014
with sore legs and already crappy make up, but incredibly happy heart,

Fathina Diyanissa, (S.Ds!! Haha)

There are times in your life when the need to look back in the past is so overwhelming, you just can't help it. The need to reminisce, to revisit old memories. It comes crashing, and is so urgent that suddenly you find yourself scraping to find the key to open the box you have long closed. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know you're not supposed to do it, that it isn't right, but still you're desperate to reopen the box. To reread the conversations. To rewatch the movements, the particular moments.

Most of the times it's wee hours. And slow-beat, mellow music is playing faintly in the background.

And you either feel terribly relieved when whatever little left is finally released. Or you dig the hole deep when all the long-forgotten feeling overwhelms you in a heartbeat.

You know though, it's a risk worth-taking.

You either spend the night sleeping the tightest it's ever been, or being wide awake, and thoroughly sad and drowning in it.
Most of the time, though, the following morning your shoulder feels a little lighter and the world a little brighter.

"I'm always sad."
"Are there certain thoughts associated with the sadness?"
"No, the sadness is under the thoughts. It's like when you're on a camping trip, and it's really cold, and you put on extra socks, and an extra sweater, but you still can't get warm, because the coldness is in your bones."
"Do you hope to get away from it?"
"Not anymore. I just hope to come to peace with it."

(Quoted from humansofny instagram account)