Archive for January 2012

for faces i long to see

years from now,

i hope i'll just come back home and find you sitting by the front porch
like the old times, and not even the slightest awkwardness
left from years of being apart,
you'll be there like you're expected to be there,
(albeit not)
smile, and say
"so long, so long."

then, i'll finally be home

thou art blessed for the folly loved thee,
for thou shalt never see,
therefore never will be blinded.

hidup yang dijalani kontra pemikiran personal. hipokrit? bukan, mungkin hanya insting untuk bertahan. atau ego kontrapersonal yang dijadikan peran. pembenaran? mungkin. memuakkan, bukan.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and the breadth and the height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and in my childhood's faith.
I love thee with the love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death

Sonnet 43, Elizabeth Barret Browning

beauty of words could kill, true saying.

athita (the past) / wartamana (the present) / nagatha (the future)

a chain, a time sequence, a cause and effect. the series of life in which one determines the following. the three of them we shall carry. let go of one and we'd break easily.
athita, wartamana, nagatha. with these three, thou shalt live accordingly.


we declared ourselves as urban people, we claimed to have bettered the life of our ancestors. we claimed to not disappoint the principles of evolution, in which we shall always adapt and adjust in response to our surrounding; it ought to always result in a better generation. we have proven that we're able to create a more prosperous living and that we have overcome almost every problem the nature has given us. we tried to keep the graph positive, tried to keep the line inclining.

we're not thoroughly wrong, but perhaps we are actually tricked by our own wit. technology, with every ease it creates in our life, has driven our life possibly way too much. we've completely depended our lives on technology. we lived with gadget, we're almost 24/7 connected to the cyber world. when was the last time we actually move our ass and do things technology can do for us by ourselves? like traveling on foot perhaps? or cherishing the face-to-face moment with our peers instead of completely immersed by the screen?

technology is an inevitable need of our life; it simplifies many systems and helps our living. unfortunately, it has become so significant to the extent that we are unconsciously controlled by it. we have for so long been indulged by how easy our lives have become that we actually appreciate things less. we are too busy trying to catch up with the latest trends and trying to compete in this showcase culture of urban living, that we forgot how to live in simplicity, the long forgotten beauty.

ancient astronauts

do you believe in such things like extraterrestrials?

one of many great world's myths, the superstitions waiting to be discovered (or disproved)

will you do me a favor?

don't disappear from my sight, please

why do we like to fuss over other people's matters? mungkin kayak lagunya iron and wine, everything looks perfect from far away.. atau mungkin lebih tepatnya, everything looks clearer. lebih gampang buat liat masalah orang daripada masalah sendiri. lebih gampang buat nge-troubleshoot masalah orang daripada masalah sendiri. karena kadang ego kita mencegah kita untuk melihat apa yang salah dari diri kita. karena kadang ego kita menempatkan diri kita di tempat yang, mungkin, lebih tinggi dari seharusnya. which prevents us from seeing why we deserve things that happen to us. which prevents us from admitting our own problems. which prevents us from seeing our own problem the way we see other's.

that's why we constantly need others who look upon us and point out where we went wrong. for our own good. tapi sayangnya, kadang ego kita pun mencegah kita untuk melihat apa yang mereka lihat. and we selfishly blame them for telling us the uncomforting truth.

keep calm and... keep calm.

quick way to galauness: play Fake Plastic Trees by guitar slowly and painfully.
a very painful song, indeed. Thom Yorke, you've done it well.

blending in doesn't necessarily mean becoming indifferent. why do we feel the need of always saying 'yes, i know, me too' just to be able to fit in?

"and so a quiet, respectable, humble Negro who had the unmitigated temerity to 'feel sorry' for a white woman had to put his words against two white people's. I need not remind you of their appearance and conduct on the stand - you saw them for yourselves. The witnesses for the state, with exception of the sheriff of Maycomb County, have presented themselves to you gentlemen, to this court, in the cynical confidence that their testimony would not be doubted, confident that you gentlemen would go along with them on the assumption - the evil assumption - that all Negroes lie, that all Negroes are basically immoral beings, that all Negroes are not to be trusted around our women, an assumption that once associates with minds of their caliber.
"Which, gentlemen, we know in itself a lie as black as Tom Robinson's skin, a lie I do not have to point out to you. You know the truth, and the truth is this: some Negroes lie, some Negroes are immoral, some Negroes are not to be trusted around women - black or white. But this is a truth that applies to the human race and to no particular race of men. There is not a person in this courtroom who never told a lie, who has never done an immoral thing, and there is no man living who has never looked upon a woman without desire."

- To Kill A Mockingbird

it was Atticus Finch's final testimony for the juries in the court; he was defending a black man, Tom Robinson, who was convicted for a rape.

among all ugly things one can ever commit, i consider racism one of the ugliest. the facts that it still happens, though not as explicitly as before, in even more educated and professional circumstances by more acknowledged people (yes, up until now), it's just the worst thing i can ever think of. how we shallowly differ people by mere physical characteristic, how we create a particular image of some groups just because of these things, it's insane... it's aggravating.

i know that we do prejudice all the time; it's an inevitable part of brainwork. the fact that we listened to it and let it affect our decisions is the unacceptable one.

typical tumblr rooms:

1. anything in the attic with parquette flooring.
2. anything vintage.
3. anything spacious with big windows.
4. anything white-dominated
5. anything with incredible bookshelves (and also a very well-planned book arrangement)
6. anything with pictures and frames hung on wall
7. everything you've ever dreamed of... everything!!! *weeping tears of joy*

girls should stop whining over that sort of man.

dua pagi

saatnya menonton episode melankolik kehidupan, profil lepas-kamera pasca babak adu pencitraan di waktu puncak jam tayang. malam dan rasa sendirian, kombinasi sempurna untuk memamerkan pikiran paling telanjang. tanpa polesan. entah erangan atau serangan, pokoknya semua yang dipendam.
eksibisi diri minus nafsu akan atensi.

dua pagi dapat jadi dua pagi: neraka para monofobik, nirwana para agorafobik.

pikat itu pukat,
dan banyak yang suka hati masuk perangkap, berharap dapat mendekat,
tapi malah terjerat. di dalam pukat.
pukat, bukan pikat.

"makanya, jangan sembarangan lempar pukat"

dua mangkuk besar nasi goreng bakso bumbu barbeque, hangat. rasa boleh dijamin, siapa yang menjamin? lapar di perut yang menjamin. aih, nikmatnya malam tahun baru ala kadarnya. seperti nostradamus untuk tahun 2012, a la nasi goreng barbeque. enak gak enak, yang penting sama-sama.

is it the truth or is it what we mutually agreed to perceive as truth?
maybe it's both, or maybe it's something we are perceived to see as both

explosions in the sky went real

yesterday i went to bed with fever. then, i had a peculiar dream in which i saw moon explodes.
the moon in my dream was big, round, bright, and immensely beautiful. astonishing, very pleasing.
after the explosion, the sky were filled with the moondusts. so we had a sky looking foggy, but with grayish smokes and dusts. sent shivers down my spine, but still beautiful. picturesque.
but well anyhow i'd much prefer moon to stay in its very own place, and stay the same bright big round beautiful moon every night.

baru merasakan efek facebook timeline.
hmmmmmm.................................. (bahkan bukan facebook sendiri)

selamat pagi,

sampai hampir tengah hari ia duduk sendiri menanti sebaris ucapan selamat pagi

hingga tengah hari datang, ia tak bosan, tak juga putus harapan. kini ia menanti ucapan selamat siang.


yesterday (or perhaps the day before yesterday) in the midst of the merry celebration of new year, i was thinking... what was it to celebrate about? there were so much hustle and bustle of it, but it actually was just that very same 23:59 to 00:00..... it happened every day.
so what's to celebrate? i personally just fancy the fireworks. seeing explosion all over towns, colors bursting on the pitch black sky, it's beautiful.
i don't mean to sound sarcastic to people who were so much into the new year. i celebrated it, too. with my friends. i told you, i liked the fireworks. but what i like more, is that new year creates moment. for those who's been completely devastated, down-in-the-dump, they're completely longing for the beginning. the moment when your timeline is filled with hopes.. hopes of the new beginning, opening the new chapter and crossing fingers for better living.

but we can't always wait for the moment. new year only comes around in another 365 days; during those one can face so many highs and lows of life. don't rely on the dates, create our own moment. we won't have to wait another year for a turning point, right?

took time to actually understand this.... but in its way is somehow funny.

officially creating an archive for 2012 by this post.