Semester lima, menjelang semester enam, and I fully comprehend the meaning of "GPA does not matter".
And no, unlike how I used to think it is, it's not an utterance of self-consolation when you've dropped your scores big time.
It's about the sense of relief. A relief and self-satisfaction of knowing that you've given your best, you've done your best, and whatever happens, you'd still feel proud of yourself because you knew that it was your best. It's about those feelings.
Those feelings I fail to get even after I have fully closed the last semester.
I didn't get such sense of relief. I knew I could do better, here and there. I knew it wasn't my best. I wasn't relieved. At all.
So I didn't really expect my scores to increase from last semester. Of course I was sure that at least I would get respectable grades, but other than that I really couldn't expect anything.
But then, it was better than what I expected. No, it's not an increase, but still really good. Most people would sigh in relief or even smile ear-to-ear. I initially thought I would myself, too.
Well, I didn't.
Of course there's some relief, but not that kind of relief. It's more like a relief of escaping some harm, maybe. Like a sense of relief of committing a crime and getting away with it, in a way you're relieved but you can never completely get rid of all the haunting feeling.

I really don't enjoy my off semester's holiday.