well it was my very first test and it becomes my very first acceptance. i am grateful however, though i'll only take this as a second-plan (so i really hope i won't end up there though i am accepted hehe my goal is still the ganesha campus!)

my reaction when i read my name among the names of the scholarship-students was, of course, like how any other people would react. of course i was happy. i was feeling relieved, that at least i had proved myself that i was capable to do that, though i think it was rather easy compared to the real test i will undergo by may 2010 -,- but of course i still felt really happy anyway.

but the reason why i didn't express it is not because i wasn't grateful, but i just think i still don't deserve the scholarship. i mean, many people do more effort than i do, many people work harder than i do, so why is it me who is accepted there? i haven't even tried my best, worked my hardest, put so much effort. why the hell do i get a prize for something i don't even do??

i am rather guilty to my friends. my friends who study more than i do. my friends who (maybe) envy me for not doing my best but still get what they don't get. i am ashamed to them. i feel so guilty because i know deep inside i don't deserve it. they are better than me. they do better. they deserve it more than me :(

so i made myself a promise. that from now on i'm going to work the hardest so i can prove to myself and my friends that i worth the prize. that i deserve any acceptance i got, and i'm going to get. i promise. by may 2010, the acceptance i would get (amen!) would be the most appropriate return for my effort. it's going to be that way. nobody's going to question why i get accepted. because all my effort's worth it :)

okeeeeeeeeee!