skin can never forget the pain of the bruise that colors them a hangdog green
land can never forget the cold of the rain they soak and quiver in
coal can never forget the heat of the fire that burns them wrath and smoking
greens can never forget the kiss of the sun that keeps them gorged and growing
ones can never forget the bit of the heaps that entangles them in a wistful longing

dini hari di awal bulan oktober, bolehkah saya untuk beberapa jam berharga ini saja menyerah pada pikiran-pikiran emosional yang untuk selamanya akan selalu ditolak mentah-mentah oleh logika saya?

satu dini hari ini saja saya akan fluktuatif, emosional, kekanak-kanakan, saya akan malu habis-habisan dengan diri saya sendiri.

yeah, more post with #nomention style of writing, hahahahaha.
just tried to defragment things, so that those which are no longer important can be abandoned pretty soon.
however, i'd like to review it not with my compulsive feeling, but i'd try to recall it with my good senses and feelings.

so, dear you,
i would like to send my greatest gratitude for your very kind consideration
for whatever it is that may have come in your mind, that may have led you to this very decision
and how you took a very careful step not to break me too much
(though, i should say, you were somehow wrong, but still i'd appreciate your kind intention)

so, dear you,
i would like to state this, just so you know
i may feel bad that things are over, but still i'm equally glad that it happened
there's nothing to regret about
i'll try to recall things as good memories
and it ensures me that you'll be a very good friend if i let you be

i won't blame you, not anyone.
i believe we have come up with the best decision anyway.

thank you, thank you very much,
(and yes, i sincerely mean it)
that's a very kind of you, sir.
i appreciate everything that happened, i expect better things to happen afterwards :)

/sunday, august 28, 9.59 pm

kamu mungkin tidak tahu aku sadar

Because because
I'm sick of all the bones you throw
Because because
There's nothing from the seeds you sow

how does it feel like, comforted, sitting in your unknowingness?

i'm not sure you will wait, but anyhow if you won't, then you will never. and i would better know it now than some other time when everything has gone much further than this. by the next sunrise i gotta go, farewell hey brant, i hope you'll wait for me to greet you again in another warm day of july. i hope you'll be doing great, with all things that need to be taken care of in this city. i know you will do.

you have no idea how hard i have been trying to be pretty cautious, but it seems like i'll just end up falling clumsily for you.

apparently, the story went on so fast that even i find it hard to keep following. for so many things to happen in such short time, i should keep my expectation low. besides, there's still much more to think about, so much consideration. am i happy? of course i am. the problem is just, where does this happiness stand? i'm afraid that i'm building it upon other people's disappointment.

this is a mamihlapinatapai, only it happens in distance, in which we did not share a look but i was pretty sure we were both staring at our own screen, hoping the same thing.

i am startled, upon seeing such an effortless beauty presented in front of me.

berjingkat hati-hati, jengkal demi jengkal, ujung jemari kakimu mencium tanah basah.

bodoh, dasar bodoh

most likely it goes that way

empat belas perempatan, tujuh pertigaan. menghasilkan seribu seratus tujuh puluh enam kemungkinan rute perjalanan. belum lagi jalan-jalan kecil yang tak terlacak di peta, dapat menambah besar lagi angkanya.

jadi dulu jualan ikan di pasar suci, mungkin emang banyak yang jual ikan juga, tapi kan banyak jualan lain kayak sayur, bumbu masak, yah sebutlah apapun itu. mungkin gak semua orang datang kesitu buat cari ikan, tapi pasti bakal keciri sebagai penjual ikan, dan orang yang cari ikan kesitu bakal lebih nyiriin tempat itu sebagai tempat beli ikan.

saat aku bilang senang itu memang aku senang