http://www.buzzfeed.com/kristinchirico/i-just-dont-know-what-to-do-with-myself

Welcome to the world of indecisive people.
If you don't know how dreadful the act of making decision is for an indecisive person, well, trust me it's quite dreadful. Y'know the paradox of choice: we all seem to think that having more choices can increase our satisfaction. In fact, we're often less satisfied with our choice when faced with more options. It's just simpler living with less options to choose from - not having to wonder the things we left off and we could've had, and if they would've been the better option. Though having the luxury of options is something we always crave. Weird, this world we live in.

I wonder if we will ever know how it feels to live in peace, thoroughly. No unpleasant feeling of turning on the TV to news about ongoing wars and invasion, not having to mourn for civilians killed either by rockets flying or some parties shooting down planes crossing borders. Not having to hear racism, sexism, and intolerance practiced in our surroundings. Just world peace, people being able to make compromises and settle in differences.

I pray, everyday, may peace be with all of us. And I do believe that even people who do not believe in making prayers, they do hope, everyday, for peace to be here with all of us.

Mourning the ongoing war over Gaza, the MH17 traffic incidents, and so many terrible things that unfortunately are still the ones we hear on evening news.

I know, love isn't a quantifiable matter. It's not measured by flowers, nor presence, nor words, nor presents. You just know when it's there - filling the air, in its own way apparent.

I felt overwhelmingly loved yesterday. And it wasn't merely because of flowers or presence, of words or presents. It's about all the faces from the ones I've been seeing so often to ones I've longed to see for long. And the fact they're all joining me in celebration, happiness on their faces upon seeing me in person. It's about either the quick or lengthy reunions, hasty rendezvous, seemingly too short conversations. It's about the thought spared in spite of absence, the love that transcends physical presence.
And it only adds to the already abundant joy that there were so much flowers and presence, words and presents.

Dear friends, loved ones, thank you very much and be assured that your kindness in joining the merry of my day I will never forget.

Bandung, July 12 2014
with sore legs and already crappy make up, but incredibly happy heart,

Fathina Diyanissa, (S.Ds!! Haha)

There are times in your life when the need to look back in the past is so overwhelming, you just can't help it. The need to reminisce, to revisit old memories. It comes crashing, and is so urgent that suddenly you find yourself scraping to find the key to open the box you have long closed. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you know you're not supposed to do it, that it isn't right, but still you're desperate to reopen the box. To reread the conversations. To rewatch the movements, the particular moments.

Most of the times it's wee hours. And slow-beat, mellow music is playing faintly in the background.

And you either feel terribly relieved when whatever little left is finally released. Or you dig the hole deep when all the long-forgotten feeling overwhelms you in a heartbeat.

You know though, it's a risk worth-taking.

You either spend the night sleeping the tightest it's ever been, or being wide awake, and thoroughly sad and drowning in it.
Most of the time, though, the following morning your shoulder feels a little lighter and the world a little brighter.

"I'm always sad."
"Are there certain thoughts associated with the sadness?"
"No, the sadness is under the thoughts. It's like when you're on a camping trip, and it's really cold, and you put on extra socks, and an extra sweater, but you still can't get warm, because the coldness is in your bones."
"Do you hope to get away from it?"
"Not anymore. I just hope to come to peace with it."

(Quoted from humansofny instagram account)

Selamat malam di bulan Juni,

this post is entirely dedicated to express my deep, heartfelt gratitude to all the people who has spared their time for a little thought and prayers, and even lend a hand in helping me earning my bachelor degree. If you're reading this, odds are you're one of them. So thank you, I sincerely thank you. It meant so much to me, even the littlest things.

To be honest it doesn't sink in yet, the fact that I've finally reached the finish line of my college life. What lies ahead, I still don't know. Yet. The road's still long. This in itself already felt like an achievement to me, a victory of some sort, but I know in the grand scheme of things, this is maybe just another little step; hopefully in the right direction.

What's ahead is big, and maybe a bit scary to think of, but in the mean time I'll just sit back, relax, enjoy this little moment of happiness, and just hope that this joyous feeling of mine reaches all of you as well. I'll just be content, and give myself a pat in the back. Afterall, I deserve it.


S.Ds today, June 19 2014. Thank you once again.

Been ages since the last update in this blog.
Excuse my absence, I'm on the brink of my college life. Wish me the best of luck so the academic progress goes as planned and I can graduate by this midyear. Thank you folks.

Meeting old friends is funny. You notice how much they have changed, but at the most important thing they really don't change one bit: they still are the people you are deeply fond of, the people you always love to hang out with and spend your time with. Their lives have differed greatly to yours, yet conversation still flows nicely. The commonness never quite disappeared.
In some ways hanging out with old friends is like driving a car or riding a bike; you never forget how to do it.

Sometimes I wonder if I am being too detached in friendship. This is part of the reason why I don't particularly enjoy social media: I feel like I am too detached. I don't do a close friendship on a daily basis. I am admittedly not the type to reach out to friends, or initiate rendezvous. I forget birthdays, and when I do remember I am rarely the one to text at 00:00. I don't post pictures, I don't tag friends. Sometimes I am afraid that my friends, particularly old ones with whom I rarely get in touch with, feel like I don't appreciate them. Well, I do. The times we do get in touch and we do hang out together, I really cherish it.

And to me, once in a while goes a long time. Always.

Evening folks.

One thing I believe is that to be content in living one's life, one should accept that living is about making compromises.
As much as we would like to live every kind of life we want to have simultaneously, we are bound to make choices. At some point we are bound to let go of something, in order to achieve another. As we shift another gear in the ride of our life, some things will naturally be left behind.

Some of the choices are naturally easy, some are more vexing. The latter we like to lament over, because isn't it a very human thing to think, 'what could've been'?
We revisit the things left behind, the things we lost in our lives. Thinking how it could have stayed, how it should have stayed.

It is inevitable, though.

Letting go, saying goodbyes, moving past.
How we cope with these is the important and defining moment in our lives.

Too much knowing is overwhelming; there's not enough of what we're wanting. A little bit of everything and everyone, texts flying around, faces popping on the map: driving on the roads, stopping by the restaurants, sleeping, having fun. It's sad when the one currently in front of you has also reduced himself into another face on the map; you're helplessly clinging on the littlest piece he has left, to no avail. Unless you're there, becoming another one driving on the roads, stopping by the restaurants, sleeping, having fun. To your relief, you're not, you'll never be, but then here you are, feeling lonelier than ever. Surrounded by the little bits of everything and everyone, seemingly many but none of them enough for you.