Kalau katanya Nietzsche, one must have chaos in oneself, to give birth to a dancing star.

I spent all my life going through a stream. And when you spent so much time moving along the stream, you'd inevitably long for the ocean; the open, calm water where you're the one who lead your own way.

But when the stream eventually ended, when the river I'd been floating in eventually met its ending ocean, suddenly I was idle, and unmoving, and it scared me. I was always led by the stream, I was never the one who swims; like every amateur swimmer, I curled up in fear in view of the ocean.

I couldn't be still, though, lest I want to be drowning, and I had no choice but to swim.

It was scary, I was afraid, and I was frantically trying to swim in this vast ocean, trying to reach the distant island. And it wasn't at all pleasant; it was unsettling, but it was the chaos I had to have. It was the chaos I had to have.