Pernah ga lo berada dalam satu lingkar pergaulan (atau komunitas, atau organisasi, you name it), for once settled yourself well comfortably in the very inner circle (even in the core!), but then after awhile, lo rada menarik jarak, mundur, sampai akhirnya lo udah keluar dari lingkaran itu.. Oke mungkin ga keluar-keluar amat, tapi yang jelas posisi lo sekarang udah ga di dalam 'the intimate line' itu tapi udah agak-agak diluar.. You stand in the outer circle.
Gw pernah.. sering bahkan.
Gw ga bangga dengan kecenderungan gw yg kaya gini; gw bukan orang yang jago mempertahankan intimasi sama komunitas tertentu begitu situasi dan kondisi udah ga memungkinkan lagi. Kadang-kadang gw malah cenderung ngerasa bahwa gw ada dalam lingkar-lingkar pergaulan tertentu gara-gara emang keadaannya mengharuskan gw buat ada di situ, semacam be friends with them or have no friends at all. Ga seekstrim itu sih, karena toh gw comfortable kok dengan teman-teman gw; befriending them is more a pleasure than obligation. Tapi gw bukan orang yang bakal selalu keep in touch dengan intensitas yang sama even setelah situasi dan kondisi berubah. Gimana ya neranginnya.. misalnya gini deh, ada orang yang masih sering banget ketemuan dan kontak2an dengan intens sama bff jaman SMA/SMPnya.. atau masih heavily involved in any organization he's been in.. nah gw bukan tipe orang yg kaya gt.
Gw suka iri dengan orang yang masih bisa mingle dengan teman-teman lama atau masih bisa tetap berada di inner circle dari suatu komunitas dalam waktu yang lama. But at the same time, I feel blessed because I can see things from two different perspectives. And more often than not, things I discover when I step into the 'outer circle' surprise me. There are many things we fail to see when we are so well-settled in the inner circle, and equally as much we fail to see with just a mere glance from the outer circle. Seringkali pas kita ada di inner circle dan dapet cibiran dari luar, we will instinctively try to defend ourselves. Membela diri mati-matian. But then try to step out and look at what used to be us; it's easy to feel the way other people feel.
Try for once, stepping out of the circle. When you've got your chance to see from both perspective then it will be way easier to respect each other's opinions.

Jika kebetulan terjadi terlalu banyak, apakah kamu percaya bahwa itu tidak bermakna?

Jika itu terjadi, seorang ilmuwan akan mencari pola-pola. Dan orang beriman akan mencari rencana Tuhan. 

 -Manjali dan Cakrabirawa, Ayu Utami 

Hal menyenangkan dari hari-hari awal liburan: space otak sangat kosong untuk bisa diisi pikiran macam-macam!
Selama kuliah, mana mungkin bisa mind adventure kayak sekarang - bisa sih, but not to such extent. Mungkin karena otak jadinya lebih banyak terkuras buat kepentingan-kepentingan yang punya tanggal untuk dikejar dan setiap hari rasanya teriak-teriak minta perhatian. Mana sempet mikir jauh-jauh kalau setiap hari ada banyak kepentingan yang sependek satu minggu atau malah satu hari.
Wajar sih, ritme kuliah sekarang juga kayaknya lagi puncak-puncaknya.
Buat saya, senang banget begitu liburan sekarang, bisa kasih kesempatan buat otak melepaskan diri dari pikiran-pikiran yang cuma seputar obligations and short-term targets, dan dari kemarin kayaknya saya bener-bener puasin diri untuk berkhayal sejauh-jauhnya... haha.
Saya sendiri lumayan kaget sih... setelah liburan saya malah agak kurang tertarik buat hal-hal kayak rencana liburan atau semacamnya; sampai sekarang saya belum ada rencana mau trip kemana-mana atau holiday plan semacam itu. Padahal selama masa-masa jadi zombie dikejar deadline itu rasanya bener-bener nyumpahin habis-habisan bakal balas dendam senang-senang dan hura-hura... but up until now i've actually enjoyed my time just staying home and thinking of things I've never had time to think about in the midst of those deadlines!
Which is... rencana satu, dua, tiga tahun lagi. Belakangan ini saya sadar kalo banyak banget hal-hal yang terlewatkan sekarang yang kemungkinan besar bisa menyusahkan rencana jangka panjang yang saya mau capai. Banyak hal-hal yang kalo diliat sekarang, skala prioritasnya gak terlalu tinggi, tapi kalau saya abaikan, it will cost me much later. Kadang-kadang, when my brain has switched to the 'short-term-thinking' mode, sering banget saya gagal melihat apa yang harus saya bangun mulai dari sekarang untuk mencapai tujuan saya.. the big thing I'm trying to achieve.
Dan sekarang.. while my brain is well in the 'long-term thinking' mode, I need to figure out the things I need to note on my to-do-list... better do it now before I miss the big picture yet again!

Not a daily football watcher but I can be a #1 fan when the heat's coming. I know, I know, I'm so mainstream to follow the trend, but really I am genuinely excited in big tournaments and the likes of Champion League, World Cup, and the now ongoing Euro cannot excite me more ;)

One once said, stores such as bookstores or music stores are one of the best way to do some kind of 'image branding'. You just have to make sure you are seen standing in front of the right section of book/music.
Then I wonder what impression am I trying to make every time I wander off in a bookstore... 'I'm so multitalented everything just interests me'? Hahahaha... that sounds so arrogant.
But no, I'm serious. Because I'm this kind of person who likes to just wander around at every corner in a bookstore... sometimes even back and forth. But it's not like 'I'm so multitalented everything just interests me', because many books I stare at, I won't even spend a penny to buy them. Especially politics and economics... erghh just not my stuff.
But I like to stare at book covers. I like them staring back at me. I like letting myself be lured into reading anything they're possibly selling inside that sealed plastic.
Some of them are screaming at me with their large titles and provocative words: "I SWEAR THIS IS GREAT. I SWEAR I AM SO GRREAAAATTTTT BUY ME"
Some of them speak so little. Just a word or two on the cover, very minimalistic graphics. They are like the seducer; "What you see is nowhere near all of me. Wanna know what I've got? Come to me baby" Yeah just like that.
Some come with very cool cover designs they simply scream to me: "If you're a hipster you're gonna like me and people will think so cool of you carrying me around!"
Funny right, just that one front page can leave so much an impression.

Famous phrase says, 'don't judge a book by its cover'. But can we? We can't help. How can we not judge it from its cover if the rest we cannot see inside the sealed plastic? We are only left with the covers to stare at.

So I believe. Do judge a book by the cover. And do choose our own covers. We have to choose what impression we would like to leave in the eyes of the curious. We choose how we would like to be judged.


The choice is ours to present the selling point of ourselves.. in representation of the parts of us we left sealed in the plastic covers.

'L'isle joyeuse'

Why does fascination fade?
Why do we get bored of thing that was once glittery gold in our eyes?
For once it seems unfair.

But maybe it's fair.. because there are also some amazement that slowly grows. And some things that never fails to impress. And some first sights that never leave the mind. Some other things come and stay... in return to those that fade away.

At which point of life would you like to say it? At which point of life would you be glad, and can genuinely be relieved in exhaling that last stressful breath, relax all the tense muscles, and actually say: let's call it a day?
It could well be today.. it could as well take forever to finally say it.
I for once was so shallow to think that I actually can say that yesterday. And I was so convinced with the idea of being able to say that!
Well, could I?
No, I couldn't.
I still wake up late every morning feeling clueless of what to do and where to go. It's not something that makes me happy, though it's clearly not as stressful as being haunted 24/7 by a certain deadline date.
But it's not as satisfying and as relieving as I once thought it would be.
I can't be relieved and call it a day when I don't even know where I am standing on and which path I am aiming to follow.
I watch people with their own determination, walking down a certain path - be it a family life, a spiritual relationship, a solid career, a pursue of self-virtue, or just living another day doing nothing and just be that 'dumb but happy' man.
Maybe they can be so sure at which point of life they will be able to say: let's call it a day.
It's because they already picture that state of life they would like to reach; that certain goal they would like to achieve. And it's not a mere obligation, not a mere formality.
And my many hasty, wishy-washy dreams won't do.

Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin


Note to self: find a way to make money (desperately looking at all assignment's expense notes)