but suddenly this thing came and ok i was knocked down and i panicked and i was so coward and i deserved every single thing: the responsibility i should take, the price i should pay off, all the exhausting process.

i said yes, i deserved it.

but you know, my mind is still questioning things;

why should this happen? again?

what for?

why am i so....... childish.

God, what do You expect me to see now? to learn now?

this is a price.

more responsibility to take, less time.

i can say i regret... so many things... so much.

and you can't say how much i craved for a time machine, so i can change things.

at least, to be not this much, not this shameful.

i am so childish.

i am so immature.

i will change.

(and i become even less sure about myself, how many times have i repeated this statement? how many times have i become a NATO? how can i trust myself?)

i will change.

please, trust me.

please, dear people,

please, dear you,

please,

dear me,

trust me.