please understand people.
this is the moment when the selfish me takes the lead.

ego sudah berteriakteriak ingin didengarkan dan ingin diturutkan.
kadang kadang pikiran dia bahkan terlalu konyol sampai saya malu karena saya sebenarnya mendengarkan dia dan ingin menurutkan dia.
tapi semakin lama dia semakin konyol. dan semakin lama malah semakin kuat teriakannya ingin saya dengar. dan semakin lama malah saya semakin ingin mendengarkan dan menurutkan dia.

saya tidak sanggup untuk tidak peduli.
oke. the selfish me is taking the lead.

yaa self-reminder gw pasti ud beeping dgn hebohnya skrg.
i think i've gone way too much.

agak merasa puasa ini bener bener ga meaning bgt euy.
salah siapa?
salah gw sih.
puasa bukannya mikirin ibadah. malah mikirin hari ini mau pergi kemana, mau main dimana. ngabuburit bukannya yg berpahala, laah ini malah yg nyampah bgt. malem malem orglain taraweh, malah asyiik ngegosip sambil buka brg.

haa.
tiap hr yg ada di pikiran cuma: hr ini ada bubar ini. besok ada bubar itu. eh kalo bubar sama itu mending kapaan yah yg pd bisa? aduuh sabtu besok bentrok euy bubar pilih yg mana yaa?
berasa bulan puasa itu buat bubar yaah! haa we're over the line already!

ya Allah maaf yaa. ramadhan skrg bukannya sm keluarga malah banyakan sama temen temen. malah banyakan ngegosip, kelayapan ga puguh kmana mana. ramadhan skrg bukannya ngebanyakin ibadah ini mlh males malesan. cari kegiatan jg kayanya ga manfaat bgt :( :( pdhl ud kls tiga. belajar aja ga puguh, doa seadanya, ibadah ms seadanya yg wajib wajib aja. pdhl butuh bkn cm belajar tp doa jg. dan masih dgn sombongnya berharap mau masuk kuliah yg bagus? geez, i should have put a lot more effort if i want an equal result! sombong bgt sih tinc. bisanya jg apaa, soksokan lupa daratan (haha apalah).

ya Allah maaf.. maaf bgt.. ayo tinc nyalain self-remindernya lg. jgn somboong. back to the track okaaaay. usaha. usaha itu bukan cuma ada di pikiran. tp harus dilakuin. apa gunanya kt udah mantepin tujuan dan goal kalo usahanya nol.

ya Allah kalo sy mulai ga puguh lg ingetin yaah.. tegur lewat keluarga, tegur lewat temen2, tegur lewat orang2 yg sayang sm saya.. yg jelas tolong jangan tegur saya dengan menjatuhkan saya, dengan memberi saya kegagalan di saat saat krusial. tegur sebelum saya jatuh ya Allah.

okee turn on my self-reminder!

haa.

seriously.
i am in a total blank period.
this month has been, should i say, a total futile waste of time.

i've been soo lazy all the day, while i should be doing all my daily activities normally. and i kept on blaming the weather for my laziness - my bad.
there were moments when i feel so temperamental. little things that normally wouldn't have gotten me up to my nerve had lifted my temper up, and again i kept on blaming the weather for my bad temper - my bad.

the days went on soooo slowly because i was soo impatiently waiting for tomorrow to come. i was waiting for holiday. i couldn't bear going to school anymore as i couldn't even catch any lessons during school. i kept on wishing holiday to come real quick! the more i kept on wishing, the slower time went. noo i'm not blaming the weather - i'm blaming the fasting month ;p sooorry.

then i was exaggerating much with some particular problems. i think i took it too serious and i was too all over it. and i even couldn't cope with my own feelings, i let it keep bugging my life. who's the one to blame, in this case? blame my own hormones and unpredictable mood swings.



it was all my bad. it was all my fault. but yet i always try to find other things to put all the blame on. i am such a loser. i can't even say to myself: that's your bad.
when i put all the blame on something else i feel so comfortable. proving myself that i am not wrong - blame this and blame that, don't blame me! oh please, stop tinc. stop trying to lie to yourself. stop building your comfort-zone. change.

i should be changing.
i will.

i won't make this month a total mess. i'm going to fix this. starting from now.
and welcome holiday, by the way. it's a good start to build my mood back ;p

tapi masih mempermasalahkan apa yang kamu gak punya.
atau bahkan mempermasalahkan apa yang kamu punya.
bukannya itu namanya gak bersyukur?


i don't want to be like that. will never.